The death spiral of our country is disorienting to my every layer and aspect. I feel this pressure on me toward numbness, paralysis - psychological and physical. It's makes shutting down a real risk.
I'm opting out of more events than usual. As I write, the opening party for Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself is under way at the Cigar Factory in Long Island City. I had every intention of going; hadn't even questioned going.
Then the day just rolls itself into a ball. My anxiety about all the people and the travel itself tip the scale. For the first time, I'm beginning to feel my location is a disadvantage if I want to go out at night; so does the thought of travel. I experienced my version of Anne Truitt's panic while driving alone to the Cumberland Gap (from Turn, previous post). Mine was driving alone to Hartfort, Conn, to install Abductions and Reconstructions at Real Art Ways.
A long way of saying I did not go. To my own opening. I know that's not good or smart or wise. I'm missing events I do not want to miss, like Writing the Constitution at Odetta Gallery last Sunday.
The limits of my reach, inability to be more than helplessness, guilt, and rage are making normal life harder. I'm spending a lot of time on MSNBC and FB, reading about the cruel chaos on the border, the efforts to help, the situation for the immigrant children especially. Normal-life posts have become disorienting, like my innards shout What world are you living in? Lots of people have pulled back from the news, and I get it. I should, probably. But this is a crisis beyond what we can imagine. Looking away or down-playing it is becoming more dangerous. We have a responsibility to know and help if we are against this debacle of an administration - this debacle of a human being.